And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
