He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
