I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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