from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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