nutella sex= disaster
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
