great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
