i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
