cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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