I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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