onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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