So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
