Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
not ubering you a puppy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
