somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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