i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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