Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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