bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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