can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
