So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize