went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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