My brain says no but my pants say off.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
