That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
