words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
