I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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