her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
