do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
