Don't you send me to vm
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize