TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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