i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
