i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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