I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
