My first STD was from a foam party
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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