she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
