I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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