I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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