She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
