yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
