There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
