Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize