You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
