god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize