what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
