Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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