Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
