I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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