One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
