I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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