Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
