dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
