so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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