Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
