you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
