im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize