On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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