I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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