People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize