i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
