True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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