What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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