I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
