Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
