Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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