He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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