i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
