dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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