therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
