so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
