Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
