I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
