I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
