he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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