A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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