It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
