I just made out with a guy for $7.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You've changed since you got that strap on
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
