don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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