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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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