Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
