Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize