I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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