I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
