i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
