How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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