Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
