"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
