I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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