He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
