just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
