I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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