I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
