Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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